when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
