ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
