When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
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