Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
you have to choose: penises or morals?
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Randomize
