I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
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