I bet he comes in French.
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
