I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Randomize
