Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Randomize
