my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Randomize
