my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Randomize
