But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Randomize
