Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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