We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
