I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Randomize
