If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Randomize
