my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
