It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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