So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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