I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize
