They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
