I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
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