We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Randomize
