Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
My vagina is officially offended.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Randomize
