shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
