can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
