Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
