Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
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