I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
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