Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
Randomize
