she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
