he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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