When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
