i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Randomize
