Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
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