you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Randomize
