You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
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