The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
