I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Randomize
