We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
oh god was she eating orange peels again
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
