she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
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