hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize
