i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
you made out with another girl for some wings
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
