you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
