saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
