He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
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