I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Randomize
