I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize
