How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
