I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
