Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
