just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
