Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Randomize
